Is it synchronicity or is it synchronicity that I launched my blog on literally the most trying week of my ENTIRE YEAR!? That was no trick question, friends; last week sent me into a terrifyingly deep confusion; followed by a sleepless weekend; followed by a heart wrenching confrontation with a loved one….ending, thankfully, with a rewarding state of clarity, and confident sense of direction. You like happy endings, doncha? Here’s what happened.
Sooooo, having the adventuresome little spirit that I do, I sometimes, nah pretty often, push my boundaries. It’s proven to take me places that aren’t always pleasant, but typically worth it. Applying for a heart thumping and pretty-penny wellness retreat, that was not ONLY on the OTHER side of the word but also lead by a personal hero of mine, was what prompted this weeks Pandora's box of insights. Let me put it on the record that from the get-go, deep down, I knew I was being a wee bit gluttonous, and very financially, pardon my language, retarded! Now, fast forward through one lengthy written application and a 2 hour long interview with my idol, and you have your girl committing, yes!, to do the unthinkable!!! That very course of action that my instincts had from the very beginning told me was an “eh” idea for me. So…what resulted? Emotional b r e a k d o w n. Look, I’ve sort of accepted the fact that my DNA yearns for tough love and learning lessons the hard way. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward, go big or go home, that sort of thing. A way of dealing that is not always the easiest for friends and loved ones to understand; but it’s gotten me to where I am today, somewhere I am proud to be. (Anyway, people who are meant to stick by you, will. No one said loving a wild child would be easy.) Back to the story; I couldn’t sleep. Not something too uncommon for me, but I’m talking a panic, a cellular deep knowledge that something just wasn’t right. My body was OUTRAGED...
... so I took some time to listen to it. Turns out, there was a fear underlying my state of being, but I couldn’t pin point it. I continued to dig. Was I scared of taking the travel risk, or was it something else? It was something else. I was terrified of making the “wrong” decision and disappointing someone I reeeeally wanted to APPROVE of me; sort of embarrassing to admit, in retrospect. A test of conscience was at play. Have you ever been there? Knowing X but doing Y? What cruel self-torture! Long story long, I thankfully chose X. And guess what! The gods of zzz returned and rewarded me with 6 well-deserved hours of rest. The next day was sunny and I could smile again.
Why am I sharing all this, you ask? Because the whole point behind Goldstreaming is to live from a place where you feel confident and able to stream what is true to you, what feels right, your Gold. You following me? When that channel is gunked up with fear, you will always defer your judgement to SOMEONE ELSE. Big big mistake. Working together, we can identify and remove those blocks ( imagine yucky blocked arteries) and you can be streaming, and living authentically in no time. All of a sudden the unknown isn’t as scary, because your “known” lights up your path.
To wrap this bad boy up: Honor your gold. Not doing so will only throw you into the jungles of indecision, insomnia and mutilation of your self-esteem. You know what to do, you just need to follow through on it enough times to know that it’s golden. CAPISH?
Ps: I'm a sucker for the classics. Enjoy this genius little tune :)
Thanks for reading.