If what I'm about to describe are INFJ problems, please forgive me. Somehow, though, I don’t think that will be the case. This is specifically directed to women who feel like their "work" is more than a "job"; they'd do it, rain or shine; validation or no validation, paycheck or no paycheck; and for many of us, those are exactly the circumstances under which we've learned to thrive.
The passion in itself is so fulfilling, that we've kind of found a way to cope with the fring-y realities of living off of it. Like... you know, enduring the sub-par lifestyle of temp work, or hoping your parents’ graces last "one more month" or accepting the fact that you'll probably die alone. JK. There's never a good time to accept that you'll die alone. I guess my point is that we are pretty much at peace with the fact that things yes, are rough, but still worth it. Locating your existential G spot and knowing you can access it whenever the hell you want is nothing less of a superpower, that's for damn sure.
So what happens when somehow someone manages to infiltrate your bad bitch operation? And this someone is not just a creep who wants to waste your time, but actually someone who ..... *cue for deep breath*, you really like. They know what to say and when to say it, your body types mesh perfectly, and most importantly they know you're a weirdo and like you anyway. (You don’t throw chances away, you hear. Even failed relationship material is worthy enough at this point to support your case for efforts at normalcy.)
So... you give them a chance, right. And everything is peaches and cream... until you slowly start to realize that... they don’t give a hoot about what you do. Sure you've shared your website, Instagram, blog, and YouTube accolades.... and I have no doubt, they are well aware of the endless hours you spend writing, rehearsing, rewriting, marketing, selling, did I say re-writing? I mean, they must. Girl bosses weren't made through days of mani pedis, barre classes and twirling locks. Sure, it sounds sexier, but it's also a lie.
So you got yourself a little bit of a dilemma here, you have a guy who is really into YOU, but shows little to no interest or investment in what YOU'RE actually really into.
Enter the over-thinking:
Is this a sign that it's not gonna last?
Do you now need to spend less time on your passion in order to appease Mr. Almost Perfect?
Does he need more guidance or cues as to the urgency of his support?
Do you need to just chill ?
It's taken me some time to pick up on this pattern. I used to think I was just choosing the "wrong" people, but it seems that regardless of the intensity with which we desired each other, my passion for writing and building mindful community continued to remain a sore subject of antagonism.
I am still navigating this world of mixing and matching, but these are some of the pitfalls I have definitely learned from:
1. Don't expect them to "get it” from day one: No matter how much notice you give your new bae, it's going to take them a few weeks to really understand the depth of your inner commitment. For better or worse, most people are not personally invested in their work; it's simply a job that makes them money. It's definitely an adjustment to be with someone who eats, sleeps and breathes his or her creative process, so be patient.
2. Slowly introduce them to aspects of what you do: Don't just wait for the other person to magically understand everything about your passion. If you're a painter, have a Netflix and paint night; if you write, read them one of your pieces and tell them where your inspiration came from. Sharing the context behind why you do what you do will make it easier for them to connect with you and feel part of your world.
3. You can't teach a fish to climb a tree: Having done steps one and two, be cautious you are not self-sabotaging yourself with choosing someone who simply does not want to OR is not able to get it. People don’t have to be alike to appreciate the same things, but in some ways, the old adage is true... opposites attract, but for how long? Some values or interests need be to shared. If you can't share your passion with the person you love, they will be missing on a huge part of who you are, and you will always feel frustrated by this lapse in connection.
All in all it’s a balancing game. Honor your art, honor your partnership and hopefully with enough patience and mutual willingness, your work will benefit from the new love in your life, and your new love will be enriched by the very personal and rich reservoir of magic you pour into your passion.