I grew up in a household of shoulds and I love yous. The former not too uncommon for a typical Greek family; the latter, truly a blessing. Don't wear that, shoulders straight, cut your nails, smile!; I love you. Things turned out okay, it just took some time to figure myself out of the "shouldmageddon" of being, well, a woman. I was also terribly shy. All you had to do was call out my name in a classroom for my face to burn red. Why all the shame? (Sun opposing Pluto, perhaps?) Who knows.
My room, however, was my sanctuary.
Whatever I "shouldn't" have been doing, saying, or being outside, I did in the fullest of glories within the blue and white snowglobed haven that I spent 18 years in. I'd perform, a lot. Singing, and dancing were full time gigs. And of course there was the writing. I thrived and survived through what I now realize was a form of self- medicating meditation! After graduating law school, I was lost. A part of me, arguably the most important part of me, had been left behind. I turned my attention back to basics by getting Health Coaching certificate through IIN (while also developing a health app that could have earned me fame and fortune, but didn't.)
It's taken a lot of trial and error to feel comfortable with the fact that, you know --- maybe I'm not really looking for one answer, or one destination. I simply want to take life one day at a time. And if that means learning how to get comfortable living in the gray, so be it.
Retracing my steps to what made me feel most alive brought me back into that room, and the person I was within in. She loves to make stuff, break stuff and make you laugh. She yearns to make the world feel smaller and cozier and is always thinking of ways to make you feel seen and appreciated.
I hope you enjoy all the shades you see.
And so does Daffodil.